Nothing
by Kate417
Summary: Sam can't get over Jules. He finds a solution for them to remain together even after she comes back on Team One but can he convince her? Set early season 2. Obvious Jam. One shot. Inspired by the song Nothing by The Script.


_A/N: I just got inspired when I heard "Nothing" by the Script after watching season 2 reruns. It's maybe a little farfetched in the sense of Sam's overreaction, but for the purpose the song, I left it like that. _

_Do understand, I'm a huge Jam shipper. But their relationship wouldn't be as great if they didn't overcome multiple obstacles. So here's how I'd imagine one of them. _

* * *

Sam Braddock got out of the locker room, brought his bag's strap up on his shoulder, holding it steady with his hand. He gave the ladies' locker room a quick look as if expecting Jules to come out of it and walk along with him to the parking lot.

It was a stupid reflex he still could not get passed even after weeks of her being on leave because of the gun shot wound she had suffered. A gun shot wound she should not have had to deal with. He should have been more careful. He should have seen the shooter before it was too late. The only satisfaction that came out of it all was that he had himself put a bullet through the lunatic's brain and even though taking a life was never easy, this one had been the most satisfactory. So to speak. No one touched his Jules.

_His Jules… _He couldn't say she was his anymore. In fact, she had made it damn clear that she wasn't weeks before. However, Sam couldn't say he had been quite surprised, he had seen it coming but he had never thought it would hurt him as much as it had when, over dinner, she ended their relationship just as abruptly as it had started. Now that she was on her way back in Team One, she wanted to prioritize her work over him and as much as he understood her decision fully, it had felt like she put a dagger through him. Now, he would have to face her every single day, be reminded of how much he cared for her, loved her even, without being able to be with her. _Only one of us has to leave the team_, he remembered her words. He knew too well she wouldn't, she had worked too damn hard to be where she was now, she couldn't give it up. And he knew he couldn't either. Even if he had not been with them long, Team One was a family to him, it was more than just a job. But could he go passed that in order to be with her? Maybe.

"Hey Sam!"

Sam tore his eyes away from the ladies' locker room door to see Wordy coming out of theirs and making his way towards him. Wordy followed the blonde's gaze to the ladies' door and then looked back at Sam with a knowing look. However, he did not make any comment on it. All of Team One were aware of his and Jules' relationship and were also aware that it was over. It wasn't like they had much of a choice, priority of life and all.

"Hey," Sam responded, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

"Great job out there today," Wordy continued, giving a friendly pat on his shoulder to which Sam responded with a smile and a nod. True, they've had a rather good day, got a couple of kids back home safely after a school bus was high jacked by a man seeking revenge on the driver for some marital problems. No use of lethal force, Sam had been the one to negotiate. "Wanna grab a drink? I'm buying."

Sam shook his head softly. "Thanks man, but I think I'm just gonna go home and rest. It's been a long day."

"Come on buddy, you deserve it. Besides, sometimes you really need to let go, blow off some steam, you know."

Sam wasn't sure they were talking about the job anymore. Before he could say anything else, Wordy pushed him gently in the back, dragging him towards the exit. "Come on, what's not to like, I said I was buying" he said with a grin.

When they stepped in the bar, the whole team was already there. Greg, Lou and Spike were discussing on one side of the table while Eddie and Donna seemed to be in a deep conversation on the other end.

Donna. He realized he had not really given her a chance, but she was replacing Jules and as he felt protective over his former girlfriend, he was afraid her special place among Team One would have been stolen, not only physically but emotionally, at least to the five other men from the team. He knew where his own allegiance stood. However, now that Jules was coming back to her rightful place and Donna was moving to Team Three, he was cutting her some slack and actually enjoyed her presence.

"Sam!" Eddie exclaimed as he and Wordy approached the table. "Man of the day," he said with a smile, raising his glass towards him and then taking a sip. As they all rose their glasses and imitated their team leader, Sam gave the best genuine smile he could muster and took a seat.

"Here," Spike said as he took the beer pitcher and poured him a glass.

Sam grabbed it and lifted it in the same gesture before taking his first of many sips.

The booze was coming in rather well, maybe a little too much, actually.

Greg had already left, Sam couldn't exactly remember when or why. Probably wanted to catch some sleep to be fresh on their next shift, unlike the rest of them. The other members of the team weren't exactly sober either but they were definitely having a better time than he was. While Sam kept starring down into his beer, lost in thoughts, he could hear them laughing loudly all around him. Every now and then, he would look up and chuckle to show he was participating but truth was, he couldn't even repeat what they had just said.

His head was spinning and not only because of the alcohol. He missed being with Jules and he couldn't stop thinking about her. His mind kept wondering what would happen if he was to leave Team One. Would that make them be together, would it solve everything or would she still push him away because he was too much of a distraction? The more he thought of all of this, the more everything seemed to be spinning around him. These decisions affected the whole team but he was too drunk to think of them and selfishness prevailed at this exact moment in his mind.

"So Donna, excited to keep all of this up with Team Three?" Spike asked a bit mockingly after a moment. He wore a grin on his face and Sam knew none of them had any filter anymore, alcohol had taken over their better judgement.

"Actually yeah, I'll be able to kick your butt in training drills," she responded matter-of-factly, which brought a burst of laughter around the table. Spike rose his brows and shared a look with Lou who simply shrugged in a 'can't help you there' manner.

"How would you like to stay on Team One?" Sam spoke with great seriousness making them all stop chuckling at once. They looked over to him with suspicious eyes, especially Ed who seemed to wonder where this suddenly came from.

Donna looked a little stunned by his question and she took a moment to ponder before she responded anything. The silence grew dense at the table. "Very much," she said cautiously. "But Sam, I'm happy to go with Team Three, I know how much Jules means to all of you and I'm good with that, really."

"I don't mean Jules," Sam said. Only speaking her name was a lot harder than he imagined. "I mean me." A break. More suspicious looks added with confused frowns. "I'll take the Team Three spot so you can stay on Team One."

"Sam," Ed said, raising his voice slightly as if to try and make him see reason. "What are you talking about?"

Sam knew Ed had really enjoyed Donna's presence in the team and his drunken mind found itself wondering why the team leader wasn't jumping on that occasion to keep her by his side. A quick look around the table showed they were all still starring, not comprehending his sudden behaviour.

"Wouldn't it just be easier?" Sam asked but didn't add anything to his thought, making it unclear to everyone as to what he was referring to.

Wordy looked up a little as if a spark of understanding ran through him and exchanged a look with Spike and Lou.

When Sam did not add anything, Ed leaned in, elbows on the table in a motion to get closer to the younger man. "Easier for what?" he asked in a stern tone, his brows furrowed and his head tilted down slightly.

Sam held the man's stare for a moment before quickly standing up from his chair. He had not realized how much he had to drink until that very moment where everything seemed to go blurry around him, his stance unsteady. He held on to the table. "It's the only way."

On that note, he spun on his heels and made for the exit. As he reached the door, he swung it open and took a deep breath of fresh air as he stepped out. Normally, it would have cleared his mind somewhat but now he was so determined that his idea was the best solution to his problem that he couldn't think clearly. He had to tell her.

"Jules!"

It was a desperate call, deep down he knew she could not hear it but it seemed like that was all he could do at the moment. Yes, he had figured out a way for them to be together, and he had to tell her now.

"Juuules!" he shouted again, dragging on the first syllable of her name as he walked in an undetermined general direction, crossing the streets without bothering to look if vehicles were coming. Thankfully, it was late on a weekday night and the Toronto streets were almost empty.

He did not notice he was being followed until he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Jules?" he asked as he spun around only to come face to face with Spike. His blurred vision adjusted to the sudden change of sight and he could see Wordy and Lou standing right behind. Disappointed not to see the little lady he was desperately trying to reach, he shrugged his shoulder out of Spike's grip and turned his back to them, continuing his path.

"Sam!" he heard Spike call out and footsteps followed closely, he couldn't make out how many but he figured all three of them were on his heels.

"Braddock, will you hold for just a sec," Lou added when Sam kept walking. However, now hearing his surname, he slowed his pace until he came to a stop. Military habit, perhaps. "What the hell are you doing?" Lou asked as they all passed him to stop his path before he could storm off again.

"I have to tell her," Sam simply responded as he looked away, trying to avoid their gazes.

"Sam, I'm not talking about Jules, I mean this Team Three speech you gave us in there."

The blonde's eyes shot back to his teammates and he hesitated a moment before speaking again. "Exactly, that's what I have to tell her."

After a short moment of silence, Spike filled in the blanks. "The only way you two could remain together…" he said in a low voice. Sam simply starred at him, not speaking a word, letting him know silently he was dead on.

Wordy shifted uncomfortably, his eyes dropped to the ground as if he was trying to gather his words before saying them. "Do you really want to put a cross to the best team possible simply to be with her?" His voice was lower, it wasn't an accusing tone and his expression didn't suggest he was trying to boast either, it was as if he was just trying to make him see reason without hurting his feelings.

"It's the only way," he said again, using the same words and intensity he just had before leaving their table at the bar.

Again, Sam brushed passed them and dug in his pocket, retrieving his phone. Again, he was followed by three pairs of footsteps. He halted before they could stop him and let his head fall back in exasperation before spinning to look at them. He knew they were just concerned about him but right now, that's not what he needed. He needed support but most of all, he needed to speak with Jules.

None of the men spoke at first. "You've had a lot to drink, why don't you sleep on it and clear this all out tomorrow," Wordy proposed after a short moment.

"It's never been as clear as now," Sam responded. However, his slurred words betrayed his clear mind credibility.

Turning his attention back on his phone, he dialed a number he knew by heart and brought it up to his hear, impatiently waiting for her to pick up. His teammates were starring at him, clueless expressions on their faces. There was nothing they could say that would change his mind now.

The line came on. "Hello?" Jules' groggy voice responded.

Shit, had he waken her up? He shot his watch a look but didn't really register what time it was, he had her on the line now and it held all of his attention.

"Jules, it's Sam." His own name sounded like he added a couple of a's to it.

"Sam?" As little less groggy and more alert. "What's going on?"

Even though he had no idea what time is was, he knew it was late and he knew calls at this time of the night usually didn't mean anything good. He could hear the sudden worry in Jules' voice as if she expected him to be the bearer of bad news so he cut to the chase.

"I love you, Jules."

There was no response from the other side of the phone. Sam took it off his ear to check it but the small clock counting up on the screen told him it had not disconnected.

"Jules?"

"Sam…" Only saying his name, he could hear all the reproach in her voice, feel all the tension of these four words on her. He also thought he heard her sigh. This time, it was his turn not to say anything so she continued. "You can't just call me at 2AM and expect me to respond to that. We talked about this, this is not the time. Go to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow."

This time, the silence on the other side of the phone came because it was indeed disconnected. Sam glanced at it again and faced a black screen, meaning she had hung up. He looked up and only at this moment did he realize Wordy, Spike and Lou had been there throughout his conversation with Jules. He gave them a quick look before crossing the street, avoiding them again.

Stepping onto Queens Quay West, it was as if he was drawn towards the edge of the shore. Looking up and far away into Lake Ontario, everything was dark, endless, empty. Metaphorically, that's pretty much how he felt at the moment. He crossed the sidewalk and leaned in on the railings that acted as barriers from the water below, starring at the nothingness in front of him.

He had not managed to speak up his mind to her, to tell her what his plan was that would allow them to be together. He had to, it would explain his sudden behaviour to call her at this hour and admit he loved her. Of course, she knew that already, he had made it pretty clear and he knew for a fact that she did too, at least she used to a month earlier. Feelings like these did not go away so easily.

After a moment he pushed himself up from the railings and spun with a very precise idea in mind. His eyes fell on the CN tower and he tilted his head up until he starred at the very top. It was bright and tall, it provided an immense contrast with the nothingness of the lake in front of it. Somehow, it gave him hope.

When his eyes focused back on the ground, he was a bit surprised to see Wordy standing right next to him. Lou and Spike had remained further away as if trying to give him some space.

"Come on man, I'll take you home," Wordy said as he patted his back at shoulder height.

"I'll walk."

"Sam, it's like an hour walk away. Come on I'll just drop you off," he insisted, trying to push him forward, his hand still on his back.

"No, Wordy, I need it. I need to be on my own and think for a while." But that's not the only thing he had in mind.

However, Wordy seemed to buy it, probably thinking he finally could see reason.

"Alright," he said with a nod, backing up a little to give him some space. "Just…" he hesitated. "Just call if you need anything."

A soft nod from Sam was Wordy's cue to leave. The blonde observed as all three of his teammates left, heading back from the way they came, leaving him alone in the empty street.

When they were out of his sight, he started strolling in a different direction, trying to hold steady as his head was spinning still. But with a goal in mind, he couldn't go home just yet.

The funny thing about being drunk was that time didn't seem to be an issue anymore. Sam couldn't really say how long he had been walking when he pulled in the street, it could have been minutes or hours but to him, it seemed to have gone by rather fast.

Jules's home came into sight, a place where they used to share so many things. Worries, laughter, a bed, a life… He had not been back there ever since the last time they had sex, which was before that faithful night in that café where she had abruptly ended their relationship. It had been too long, he was dying to be with her, to feel her next to him, to kiss her soft lips, to discover her body over and over again.

As the distance between him and her front steps reduced, he could remember all of the times they'd been together, just sharing a moment however small it may have been. As he got closer, he realized that the news he was bringing to her might trigger all of this back, and he was only steps away.

He was too eager to reach her porch and didn't even bother to walk on the driveway, instead he simply cut through the grass and climbed the few steps that led to her front door.

Without hesitation, he rang the bell and waited. A minute passed. Maybe two. He couldn't really tell. When he figured it had been long enough, he knocked and a second later, he heard the sound of a lock being turned.

As she opened the door on him, Jules already had an apprehensive look on her face. "Sam, you can't be serious."

He took a moment to look at her. She was wearing a black night gown, one of his favourites, that ended mid thigh, leaving her bare legs. The V-neck covered just what it had to, held in place with thin straps, leaving her shoulders and arms just as bare as her legs. Sam's eyes moved up to her face, her hair were a bit of a mess, her eyes only half opened, her brows furrowed in a frown. With all this, he'd forgotten this was probably the second time he'd woken her up tonight.

"Jules just… hear me out, will you?"

In response, she gave a slight sigh, shifted her weight to her right hip as she leaned against the door porch and crossed her arms over her chest in a manner that said 'make it quick'.

"Remember how you said only one of us had to leave the team, that it would be our only solution?"

Seeing where this was going, she closed her eyes and shook her head slightly.

Before she could say anything, he continued. "Jules, there's an opening on Team Three. Donna was going to take it but what if I do? She'll remain on Team One, you'll go back with them and then we can be together without anything stopping us."

She gave him a quick exasperated sigh as she looked back up at him. It felt like something snapped in her mind and she was fully awake all of a sudden. "Are you even listening to yourself right now?" she asked rhetorically. "Not a month ago you were agreeing with me saying leaving Team One was a sacrifice none of us were willing to make. What changed?"

"We changed. This," he continued, quickly pointing from him to her and back with his finger, "changed. I miss you Jules. Like crazy."

With a soft shake of her head that reflected her disapproval towards this situation, Jules stepped outside, out of the porch and slowly closed the door behind her. "Sam you're drunk, we've had this conversation and I don't plan on having it again, especially not when you're like this," she said, letting her hand motion towards him.

However, he was only half listening to her, her gesture to close the door had taken all of his attention. "Are you with somebody in there?"

Jules hesitated a moment and then pursing her lips slightly, she looked away from him, trying to avoid his gaze. Silence on her part answered his question.

Having a brick thrown at his face would have probably hurt him less than this did. It felt like his heart ripped apart, shattered into pieces he wasn't sure he could ever recollect. The thought of another man in her bed, by her side where he used to be was painful, unbearable even. No one touched his Jules. There came this "_his Jules" _nonsense again… She wasn't his anymore and he would have to learn to deal with it. Sadly, he had been so convinced that she'd throw herself back to him after his speech that it hurt even more to see she was actually looking dismayed by the idea and it crushed him to think she had replaced him so easily.

"This is not the place and definitely not the time to discuss this," Jules said after a long moment of silence between the two. "Go to sleep, sober up, we'll talk later," she said before opening her front door back behind her and disappearing through before Sam could speak another word.

For a moment, he starred at the closed door in front of him as if it would make her come back out. After a few minutes however, he had to resign that he had lost this battle and that she wasn't coming back to him. He pondered for a moment the idea of barging in and dragging whatever guy was in there out of the house to get him away from her but he knew this was only the alcohol talking.

Maybe he was sobering up already and starting to see more clearly.

He slowly spun around and started going down the front steps in defeat and paused at the last one. He sat down on it and dug his head into his hands. How could he have been so stupid to think she would throw herself back in his arms again? How could he have imagined she wouldn't move on? She was already in bed with another man. In her bed. Their bed. Only thinking about it made Sam's heart felt like it was ripping off his chest.

He knew he shouldn't be mad. She wasn't hers anymore. But he couldn't help it. Rage was coming up in vibes. Rage against himself for not having found a solution earlier, rage against her for being so by-the-book and keeping them from being together like they used to, rage against that guy in there having exactly what Sam was craving for…

She had someone to comfort her for the night. He didn't.

He sat there, sadly contemplating this thought for a moment. His mind was too preoccupied to think of how late it now was and that he was on duty the next morning. He knew he'd have to get home sooner or later but he didn't want to leave her place, even though he was outside of it rather than inside. Leaving would mean he would have to put an end to this stupid idea of his, a definite end to his intimate relationship with her.

He knew he didn't have a choice but he didn't seem to have the strength do actually do it. He looked around himself. The street was completely empty, birds weren't up yet to chirp through the morning, meaning he could probably still catch an hour or two of sleep. For the first time, he realized how much he had to drink as a headache seemed to pound loudly. The next day was going to be awful both because he would have to live through the memory of the night as well as endure his teammates' looks concerning his behaviour at the bar and on the streets across. All that complemented with a hangover.

After a long moment, he pushed himself up from the now cold concrete of her front steps and forced himself to walk back in the street. He gave her house a last glance before digging his hands in his pockets and walking head down before he could reach a main street and hail for a taxi.

* * *

_A/N: I feel like I have to defend Jules' actions. Just bare in mind this is only Sam's POV, in my opinion, she would be just as conflicted about all of this even though she plays it tough. I might or might not write the same story with her POV, haven't decided yet. So anyway, please R&R!_

_And stay tuned if you enjoyed it, I'm currently writing an episode-like full-length fic. ^^_


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